trying to shake it off.

today at work, layoffs started. this is somewhat of a shock. yes, i know our economy isnt doing too hot and yes, i know this is happening nationwide. but i seemed to be oblivious to all of this. that is until today. we have another subsidary platform at work, and they received news this morning that they were selling the platform, and the employees have until the end of june to find work, well, two employees were given the boot right then and there. that was a big shock. a few minutes later, through the office gossip grapevine, more layoffs are happening, and its happening to big wigs who you thought wouldnt be in danger and just like that they were gone. i kept refreshing our intranet site and saw that the number of employees just kept getting lower. everyone seemed to be on edge today and no one knew what their future entailed. after sitting through two meetings, i still didnt get any answers. i just new i was ok for the meantime.

so where does this leave me now? i felt more sane and less stressed earlier before i found out i was 'ok'. after getting home, i skimmed through job listings. i had to stop within 5 min. this cant be happening again, starting all over and still no closer to knowing what the hell i want to do.. oh the dreaded updating resume process, cover letter drafts, tossing back and forth the idea of going back to school or moving home. bring on the anxiety.

i know i will be ok. i dont have major bills (im sure the credit companies would disagree) but i could always just move back home. as welcoming as that is, ive already started to become content with my life here in maryland. yes, i always want more or something new, but the way things are now, i cant complain. (well part of my new year's goal was to not complain)

i cant help but now fear everyday if that will be my last day of work.