pure happiness.

i received a little christmas present from my dear friend jenn, follow her here. and i absolutely fell in love with her christmas card.













i quick sent this image to my sister who thought it was einy!! this card totally made my day :)

giggly.

so yesterday, i was catching up on the blogs i follow on google reader, and one of the blogs i read, stuff white people like, actually had an update!! i quickly opened the page and lo and behold, not only was there a new blog post, the post was on white people liking ray-ban wayfarer sunnies!!! i was dying laughing and had to read the new post aloud to my sister. i love this blog so much because it has a certain way to poke fun at the silliness of white people, but how i secretly enjoy/possess these qualities and i am not white! ok, youve caught me, im a self-hating asian and deem myself as an overly tan mexican, i kid i kid.

but anyways, here is a pic with me wearing my ray-ban wayfarer sunnies, on the beautiful island of santorini, watching the sunset.. oh how i wish i were back there!

*on a totally different note, i finally got my answer about school! (see post below). hello class of 2012, i will see you fall 2010 :)

happy friday indeed.

hello weekend :)

fall is my absolute favorite season. the air is crisp, the leaves are changing to wonderful red, yellow, and orange hues, and its time to breakout the boots and fall jackets!

this weekend is going to be 60 and sunny :) perfect.

tonight, i will be heading up to baltimore, hopefully, sans car accident, and will be celebrating a childhood friend's 25th birthday. the night is to include mexican food, followed by yummy margaritas, and maybe a shot or two of tequila!

there is something in the air that changes my mood when i see blue, sunny skies. i cant wait to get out of work and enjoy the night's festivities!

i leave you with pictures from fall 2008 from my trip up to ithaca at lake cayuga.

25th birthday goal

this is a big deal. bigger than my golden birthday i experienced this year. twenty.five. my quarter century birthday. i always like to make a huge fuss over birthdays because they only happen once a year and the entire day is dedicated to you.

ive been inspired by jenn, who signs up and runs half marathons without hesitation, to sign up myself. together, we will run the lehigh valley half marathon the weekend of my twenty-fifth birthday.

i signed up this morning and there is no turning back. i am in no form, a runner or even athletic, but with a little over 5 months to prepare, i will learn how to run a half marathon. i was reading several blogs on how to train for running marathons and the recurring theme was having the right type of motivation. my motivation is coming from within to prove to myself that i can do this. at 25 i want to be in the best shape of my life, i want to be able to run and not give up after 5 min., i want to look back and say, i once ran a half marathon and it was hard getting there, but i did it.

i have a long road ahead of me, but with the right attitude and the want and the desire to achieve this, i have faith this will be attainable.

wish me luck*

the long awaited return!

eeek. i didn't realize i havent posted in almost two months! my life is chaotic. good chaotic. its structured but far from being normal and routinely. do you ever look at someone's workspace and you can't seem to understand how they find anything under piles of papers, post-it notes, and folders? but the owner of said workspace knows exactly where everything this? if you take out workspace and replace it with life, and replace piles of papers/post-it notes/folders with job, bills, everyday occurrences, then thats my life. everything seems to be in piles of mess, but to me, i have it all under control.


in two months time, i quit my retail job, i accepted and started a welcome.back.to.corporate.america job, escaped for ten days to the wonderful countries of greece and italy, got in a car accident, and returned to philly for quite the adventurous halloween. oh- i also booked a trip to san francisco for mid-january! phew. its been an extraordinary 60 days.


lets start back from the beginning. quitting retail and going back to corporate america. i completely missed having a desk job. i missed checking my work emails, i missed sitting in front of the computer surfing the web, most importantly, i missed the high of doing actual work. im coming into my job very nicely. my boss is really great to work for, and im getting the hang of things. its completely different from what i was so used to doing, but i like it. i can tell in my disposition that im in a happier place. it really changes things when you work for a company where there employees actually like what theyre doing and like the company.

europe vacay= AMAZING. i dont even know how to describe my experience other than breathtakingly wonderful. of all the places i have travelled to, greece is hands down my favorite destination. i have always wanted to go to greece and walk along the white-washed buildings and sidewalks and to actually be there, and it being tangible, it was like a dream. every time i flip through my pictures, i can picture that moment the picture was taken and its like me going to my happy place.

i recently got back from a trip to my favorite city, philadelphia! i was able to catch up and see so many friends. on the way there, i got into a little accident. my first real accident. it somewhat affected my mood for the rest of the weekend, but i still had a great time. i missed being in philly so much. i love the familiarity and knowing where to go, where to eat, where to see your friends. my good friend came down from ithaca, who i have an absolutely fun time with no matter what, and we had a very adventurous halloween! from getting ready, being nuts at the bar, to smashing bottles, to calling the po-po, it was a great way to end the month of october before all the holiday season craziness begins.

i do have a quite a few things to look forward to in the upcoming months. im going to go home to florida for thanksgiving. we will be driving down with einy and meeting my parents and the rest of my family once we get there. i have no idea what i will be doing for christmas, but i know, i absolutely cannot take off work :/ one thing that sucks about starting a new job, no vacation time yet. but come january, i will be heading out west for one of the best reunions in san francisco!!

this year has flown by ridiculously fast. i feel like i have changed so much and had to make some tough decisions. i honestly wouldn't have changed a thing! (well, maybe my single status)

*** edit: i dont think my recap did any justice to how wonderful my europe trip truly was. i found this email broken down by day i wrote to jenn, when i returned from my trip***

Day 1:Arrive in Athens after a 9hr plane ride where only 2 hrs of sleep was used. Metro from airport to hotel, walk 200meters, sweating and lugging luggage up the metro stairs and through cobble streets.Check in to hotel, quick change and head to lunch and visit the Acropolis. Acropolis is the area that is composed of the Parthenon (the building where my default facebook pic), the Temple of Zeus, an amphitheater, and all of these other structures. Breathtaking!!!!! In complete awe of the views of Athens and to actually see the remains of the structures. Go back to hotel and shower (finally!) and head out to dinner. Stroll around the different city squares and drink Mythos beer. They sold their beers in so many different stands in stores and throughout the streets, and it was 500ml and only 1.50Euros!!

Day 2:Visit other parts of the Acropolis that we missed, see the port of Athens, visit the the 2004 Olympic games stadium, and visit the Olympic stadium that was used hundreds of years ago. Visiting the 2004 Olympic games stadium was really really depressing. It was not kept up and there was graffiti all over. It was desolate and bare and the buildings still remained by everything that was white was either an old yellow or a gray color. I couldn't believe all the money that was put into the construction of the area was just gone to waste and no one uses the facilities anymore.

Day 3:Fly from Athens to Santorini. It was a 30 min. flight and I had never been so excited to leave Athens! Athens is def. a place where you only need a day, and that's more than plenty. Santorini is one of the Greek islands made up of small regions, Oia, Ia, Fira, Firastefania and the East side of the region is the beaches and vineyards. We stayed in Fira which is the city capital. We arrived around lunchtime and walked around Fira and took the bus to Oia which is the northern part of Santorini, where every guide book tells you this is the place to watch the sunset and its a must-see/do. Also, Oia is the place where whenever you see pictures of Santorini with the white buildings/sidewalks and blue roofs. We sat on this old fort structure, and sat up on the edge and watched the sunset for over 2 hrs! It was really pretty and there were so many people crowded around to watch the sunset. It was also pretty breathtaking to be on the edge of the island basically and looking at all of the different towns of Santorini and all the white buildings and surrounding islands.

Day 4:One of my top favorite days of the trip. We did a 6 hour boat ride around the island of Santorini. We started the day by climbing down over 600 steps of Fira to get down to the port, where this is where all the donkeys are kept and there is donkey poo everywhere! I gagged a few times going down, lol. But once we got down to the port, we went on our boat ride, and the first stop was a volcano. We hiked/sprinted up to the top, (our tour guide was insane!! and hot, lol) and my legs were seriously sore 2 days after that. But once we finally got to the top, there were panoramic views of santorini and the other islands. I can't even tell you how beautiful it was. We really lucked out the entire trip because everyday was sunny and the blue skies and the blue seas were a blue color I never saw before. So, after the volcano, we went to the thermal springs. We couldn't really dock at the thermal springs because of all of the rocks, so they anchored the boat, and you jumped off the boat into the Aegean Sea!!!!! I was nervous at first bc the guide kept repeating as a precaution that it was really deep (duh) and that you had to swim to the thermal springs. So I jumped in and swam and it was wonderful! The thermal springs was nice, it was a a gold/brown/red color and really rocky. We swam back to the boat and headed to another island. Here we ate lunch and swam again in the Aegean Sea. This was really neat because you're basically in the middle of the water with mountains surrounding you. Also, there aren't like sand or like walking areas to get into the water. You basically have to jump/swim in from the boat/dock. When we got back to Fira, instead of walking back up the 600+ stairs, you can either take a donkey up or a cable car. So, when else would you ever ride a donkey??? So we took the donkey up which was pretty frightening and scary at the same time. The donkeys would turn the curb right next to the edge of the cliff, which was the terrifying part and the fact that you're going so high up!

Day 5:We sadly left Santorini and flew into Rome. From Rome we caught a train to Florence. Once we arrive in Florence, we went to all of the different Piazzas (squares).

Day 6:We went to the Academia Museum to see Michaelangelo's David. We walked around the rest of Florence and that afternoon we did a tour. This is my second favorite part of the trip. We did a 5 hour tour in the Tuscany hillside and went to the Chianti region. Here is where we went to an old fort that turned into a castle and was a winery and an olive oil maker. The tour was really fun and the tour guide of the winery was one of the inhabitants of the castle. We tasted a few different wines and had a few appetizers and tasted their olive oil too. It was beautiful being in the Tuscany hillside and seeing all of the different vineyards and olive trees.

Day 7:We left Florence and took the train back to Rome. Once settled into our hotel, we walked all over the city and stumbled upon most of the sites without even meaning to go there. So we saw the spanish steps, the trevi fountain, the pantheon and other sites

Day 8:We did a semi-private group tour of the vatican and saw the sistine chapel, then we went to the coliseum and then the roman forum and all that jazz.

Day 9:We were all wearing thin, and was at our end of all the sightseeing, and slept in, had a lunch, came back to the hotel, slept some more then, went back out to dinner.

Day 10:Flew home!

As I reread this, I got so nostalgic of the trip. I think an international travel once a year is defnitely a must. Next on my list, Prague, Vienna, Barcelona!

quack.

a month ago, i embarked on a new chapter in my life.

i was taking some time off from corporate america and decided to work full-time in retail. i love customer service what can i say. a month into it, im at another crossroad. after a pay period discrepancy, i saw the real ugly side of retail america. i was told by my brother in law about a job opening at the company he worked for. i applied and interviewed and now, i am a sitting duck. so many questions and scenarios are swirling in my head on if i get the job, and if i dont get the job. i dont like being the sitting duck. i have zero patience. i dont like all the thoughts going on in my head about pros and cons of getting the job vs. not getting the job. uggghh. decision get here already.

caution: entering stress-free zone.

a new chapter has begun in my life.

i said goodbye to my company (well, not fully, im still being contracted on weekly basis), i killed my NET exam, and i painted my room!

im very excited about this new phase in my life. im taking a time-out for a few months and cant wait to actually live stress/worry free!

perspective.

I've always found that men are happiest when taking the lead, so I don't initiate even harmless chit chat. That way, I don't waste any time chasing someone who honestly isn't dying to know me more (but is just too polite to say so).- Erin Meanley represents the female perspective in "Single-ish", a blog for Glamour.com

730 days ago...

Today marks my two year anniversary at my company. Ironically, I also wrote and handed in my formal letter of resignation today.

I used to have mixed feelings about leaving the company; it is all that I knew, spending my entire post-college years with the same company. I have learned so much about myself in the past two years. I literally became an adult. I was on my own, I paid taxes, I paid rent, I had bills piling up (who doesn't need a new career wardrobe for every season?), I knew the importance of health insurance and benefits. I lived for PTO and happy hours. I never want to work in finance ever again. I don't ever want to push paper. I never want to sit in another cubicle, unless I can decorate it with push-pin work of art.

My last few weeks here have been going by so fast. Only 1 more month, till I am free. There has been an extreme change of attitude ever since I announced I was leaving. My director who used to take me out to lunch and spa days, barely acknowledges my presence. It makes it very awkward and unprofessional for both of us. I would elaborate but that would be wasting my time on something useless.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you have become miserable day in and day out, think about work when you're off the clock, dread getting out of bed in the morning only to come into work, bolt out the door once the clock strikes 5, having many emotional/stress breakdowns in your car in the parking lot, then do it. Bite the bullet and quit. This is your life, what are you working for? Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

Rationalizing my life.

I think of myself as a very practical person. of course i have a few moments where i indulge myself in things i cannot afford, but rarely. i work two jobs, going to school part-time, paying all of my bills on time. then one weekend, memorial day weekend to be exact, a light bulb went off. i craved and needed more. i wanted to feel alive. the next few days to follow, i booked a trip to greece and italy and quit my job.

don't get me wrong, i have definitely suffered my fair share of panic attacks the past few weeks. case in point, yesterday's blog. but today, i awoke with my more clarity. i know this isnt the end. i am given a second chance of doing something i want to do. i dont have to conform the next 40 years of my life at a desk job. this is the point in my life where i can try and find something i want to do.

this is taken from chris guillebeau's blog:

4 Important Questions to Ask Yourself:

1) Am I satisfied with my work? Does it meet my needs and fulfill my desires?

Your work should not exist merely to provide income for the rest of your life. Ask yourself, what am I working for? Am I working to make a living or to make a life? If your work supports your goals, that’s great. If it doesn’t, maybe it’s time to make a change.

2) Think back to the times you have left your home country. What did you learn on those trips? Do you think you have more to learn?

For me, the more I have traveled, the more I learn, and the more I realize how big the world really is. When I was younger and had spent a fair amount of time abroad, I used to say that I had traveled “all over the world.” More than 60 countries later, I laugh at that idea. There are still many, many countries I have yet to visit, and even after I achieve my goal of visiting every country in the world, there will still be many places within those countries that I still won’t have experienced.

3) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would that be? (Don’t think about reasons why you can’t go there.)

Brainstorm through the six inhabited continents – Africa, Australia, Asia, Europe, North and South America – and think about cities or countries on each of them that you’ve always wondered about. Chances are there’s somewhere, and probably several places, that you’ve always wanted to see.
Finally, while I believe that international travel is not nearly as expensive as the lifestyle many people wear themselves out to maintain, it’s true that it does cost money to travel around the world.
Therefore, you should also understand the answer to this question:

4) What are your financial priorities?

If you don’t know the answer offhand, it’s easy to get it.Just look back at your bank statements, financial software, or credit card statements for the last six months. Whether you like it or not, where you’ve been spending a lot of money is where your priorities are. If you’d like to value experiences more than “stuff,” you may need to make some changes.
***

wish me luck :)

don't do it. dont freak out. don't do it. don't do it. don't do it.

oh no, im doing it!!!!! AHHHHHHHH.

i had another job interview today which went smoothly, except for the part where they asked for salary requirements. it started off at 24,000. OH MY. thats not even right. how can anyone who lives in the dc metro area survive on 24,000?!? this just in, that might be me. maybe even less if i ended up working at my part-time job, full-time. oh god, what did i do?

feeling deflated once again, im starting to freak out. my thoughts are swimming in my head to the point where im drowning. i don't want to panic, i want to be positive, but im not sure if i can make it.

i need to have an outlet but i feel so terrible and like a broken record complaining to everyone around me. i made my own mess, and now have to deal with it.

i don't want to be scared and to look back with regret. i need to find my inner strength and know that everything is going to be ok.

in it to win it?

a little over a week ago, i quit my job. i have never felt so free.

i have sleepless nights. with the freedom, i am left with uncertainty. i know i had to quit. it wasnt healthy staying at a company and doing a job i hated. but now, all the feelings i had when i was graduating college are coming back, the fear of the unknown.

i have been applying to jobs like crazy and i feel so deflated. i had the interview from hell yesterday. i am trying to break into the healthcare field and what better way to do that than be front desk for a doctor's office? one problem, they want me to have healthcare experience.

this is where i get annoyed. how am i supposed to get experience if you wont hire me because i dont have any? when did a receptionist need healthcare experience to answer phones and book appointments? does my bachelor's degree not hold any rank? does that not show that i am competent and hold enough intellect to not only answer the phone but to use a computer? how am i not qualified?

i have 8 weeks to find another job. in 8 weeks i will have completed my two summer classes, taken the nursing entrance exam, gone to florida for the bridal/bachelorette weekend, and will be one week away from witnessing my sister get married.

8 weeks and my life will change.

living life.

on impulse and spontaneity, i booked a trip to greece and italy. i have never felt so alive.

ive been pushing myself, harder than ever, and for what? i need to start living life. i need to break my barriers, come out of my comfort zone.

we only have one life and i better start living it.

time is just flying by!

whoosh !!

can you believe memorial day is right around the corner? where has this year gone. i am so glad warm weather is finally here, minus the humidity and rain. i wish we had half days at work and could spend the rest of the day enjoying the warmth of the sun with a drink in hand.

im getting stir crazy even though i just got back from vacation. i am already thinking of ways i can do a beach trip sometime this summer. i better start saving up days and money, costa rica is waiting my arrival due sometime in early fall.

i dont have the balls to quit.

so here i am, an hour into my morning (technically 22 min, i was running a little late today) and im sitting here pondering why dont i just quit? my director asked me to fill out my weekly priorities matrix and i pull up last week's and i notice nothing changes. maybe i am just not a good BSer but i really dont see how i can fluff this week's matrix. she asked me and my former boss for our top priorities, and im thinking, wow, there really is no use for the both of us. our new president was right, he didnt understand why my group needed two people, and honestly, i dont either.

this crazy idea popped in my head, i have a part-time job that i actually dont mind doing. what would happen if i quit my real job and just go full-time on my part-time job. maybe become an assistant manager? would it be that bad? i would still get health benefits, and i would be taking a pay cut, but it allows my schedule to be more flexible, i dont have to be on edge every time the new management team is in the office, i dont have to worry about getting laid off, i know, its way out there, and i probably won't even do it, but it is nice to consider...

dear company where i work,

i wanted to say that after working almost two years for you, i have realized that you are the reason for my depression. you pay me so little that janitors make more money than me. you force me to have a second job so i can accommodate for the cost of living in one of the most costly counties in the state of maryland. thank you for promoting me from my measly data entry job and then demoting me to doing the job equivalency of an admin to then promoting me to account management. what a roller coaster this has become. when you asked us to all pitch in, we are in a financial hardship, we are in a hiring/salary freeze, but please go above and beyond, why am i the only one pitching in? oh because i need this job, i need health benefits. you have disturbed my mental state in the matter of months. i never want to work for you ever again. i have hopes of getting laid off. i dont care about my promotion because i dont want to work for someone who devalues my skill set, who thinks i am so awesome because i know how to press print and staple your power points. thank you company where i work for allowing me to realize that i am better than this - one day i will stick it to you and will never look back. i have so much clarity now. one can only hope that you do not survive this economic depression and sink into the ground.

thank you,
your undervalued, underpaid loathsome employee.

ps- thank you for paying me to work today where i did absolutely nothing except browse internet sites.

throwing myself a pity party for one.

i need to escape! maybe because the sun keeps teasing us with the bright blue skies, and if the wind is calm enough, you can feel the warmth of the sun. im in a rut. ive been in maryland for the past 2months and i cant take it anymore. i am constantly busy. i have something going on basically every single day. its great to be preoccupied, but i just need me time. away from routines/schedules. i really want to go away somewhere warm and beachy, but there is a slight problem called financial woes that is preventing from me working on my tan whilst sipping my problems away on margaritas.

i have this outstanding bill from the ENT doctor i saw in dec. its been this on going process of back and forth with the insurance company and the doctor's office. long story short, i went to the ENT office because the office was in my network, the doctor i saw wasn't in network, misunderstanding with dr's office thinking greatwest and cigna covered the same thing, my insurance company wont budge in paying- bottom line, im stuck paying my doctor visit who i wouldve never saw if i knew he wasnt in network. suckhole. big time.

im set on the idea of going back to school. ive done a fair amount of research and have decided to apply to the master's in nursing for the clinical nurse leader program. wow, thats a mouthful. im going to one of the colleges open house thursday, so im very interested in learning more about the program and getting the application process moving. wish me luck.

im going to new york this sat. to meet up with one of my good friends from college. im hoping this trip will be enough to put things back in perspective with me and i wont be such a debbie downer.

i have all these ideas in my head: i want to live in different cities on either coast to see where i would want to settle down, i toss back and forth the idea of going back to school, maybe i should move home and take a year off, stay where i am and see where it leads me, move back to philly and feel a sense of security.

things were going great. i finally found my place in dc, i made great friends, i feel comfortable, i keep busy, i have a life. i became content.

friday afternoon is when i hit a low point. i had a talk with my director and it looks like when our sister company's merger is complete, i will be their new support system. fancy term for saying assistant. i will be relinquishing most of my responsibilties and basically doing bitch work.

i dont know if i can do this. i dont know if i can be ok with this. i hate doing administrative work. i know im young and have less than 2 years of work experience, less than a year's worth of experience in marketing, BUT, this is a big step back.. even if this is only temporary, i dont know how i am supposed to deal.

i dont want to act rash, but all i want to do is quit. i know this isnt the time to do it.

but tell me, how do you suck this up? how do you move on? how am i supposed to humble myself to do someone's else job where the requirements don't even need a bachelor's degree.

do i just stick it through, be a team player, put a smile on, while waiting for the economy to turn itself around and more jobs open up?

do i take the easy way out and quit and move back home?

i understand the economy is in bad shape, and a lot of companies are asking help internally for everyone to pitch in, but i feel in my department, i am the only one pitching it.. how can i decipher if im being walked all over or if everyone else has too much on their plate and i seem like i dont?

i just want all these thoughts to disappear, i dont want to live in my reality.

i want to know the right thing to do. i want to fast forward 5 years from now. i want to know that i will be in a good place. i want to not be lost anymore.

5 more weeks of winter!

Here in the DMV (lol, gotta love 93.9), we reached highs in the 50s, clear blue sunny skies. Everyone was out and about, going here or there, enjoying the heat wave. What was I doing all weekend? SLEEPING!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to take it easy this weekend because the last few weekends were crazy and I know the next two upcoming weekends are going to be even crazier! After waking up from my nap Saturday afternoon, I realized I don't even remember the last time I actually napped!

I love lazy weekends and it was just what I needed to recharge!

trying to shake it off.

today at work, layoffs started. this is somewhat of a shock. yes, i know our economy isnt doing too hot and yes, i know this is happening nationwide. but i seemed to be oblivious to all of this. that is until today. we have another subsidary platform at work, and they received news this morning that they were selling the platform, and the employees have until the end of june to find work, well, two employees were given the boot right then and there. that was a big shock. a few minutes later, through the office gossip grapevine, more layoffs are happening, and its happening to big wigs who you thought wouldnt be in danger and just like that they were gone. i kept refreshing our intranet site and saw that the number of employees just kept getting lower. everyone seemed to be on edge today and no one knew what their future entailed. after sitting through two meetings, i still didnt get any answers. i just new i was ok for the meantime.

so where does this leave me now? i felt more sane and less stressed earlier before i found out i was 'ok'. after getting home, i skimmed through job listings. i had to stop within 5 min. this cant be happening again, starting all over and still no closer to knowing what the hell i want to do.. oh the dreaded updating resume process, cover letter drafts, tossing back and forth the idea of going back to school or moving home. bring on the anxiety.

i know i will be ok. i dont have major bills (im sure the credit companies would disagree) but i could always just move back home. as welcoming as that is, ive already started to become content with my life here in maryland. yes, i always want more or something new, but the way things are now, i cant complain. (well part of my new year's goal was to not complain)

i cant help but now fear everyday if that will be my last day of work.

hello 2009.

i want to be happy. i want to be the best maid of honor for rhea's wedding. i want to further my career. i want to lose weight. i want to stop focusing on why i am still single. i want to go to costa rica. i want to handle my stress and anxiety better. i want to pay down my debt. i want to be a good person. i want to live in the here and now. i want to just dance it out.