730 days ago...

Today marks my two year anniversary at my company. Ironically, I also wrote and handed in my formal letter of resignation today.

I used to have mixed feelings about leaving the company; it is all that I knew, spending my entire post-college years with the same company. I have learned so much about myself in the past two years. I literally became an adult. I was on my own, I paid taxes, I paid rent, I had bills piling up (who doesn't need a new career wardrobe for every season?), I knew the importance of health insurance and benefits. I lived for PTO and happy hours. I never want to work in finance ever again. I don't ever want to push paper. I never want to sit in another cubicle, unless I can decorate it with push-pin work of art.

My last few weeks here have been going by so fast. Only 1 more month, till I am free. There has been an extreme change of attitude ever since I announced I was leaving. My director who used to take me out to lunch and spa days, barely acknowledges my presence. It makes it very awkward and unprofessional for both of us. I would elaborate but that would be wasting my time on something useless.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you have become miserable day in and day out, think about work when you're off the clock, dread getting out of bed in the morning only to come into work, bolt out the door once the clock strikes 5, having many emotional/stress breakdowns in your car in the parking lot, then do it. Bite the bullet and quit. This is your life, what are you working for? Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

Rationalizing my life.

I think of myself as a very practical person. of course i have a few moments where i indulge myself in things i cannot afford, but rarely. i work two jobs, going to school part-time, paying all of my bills on time. then one weekend, memorial day weekend to be exact, a light bulb went off. i craved and needed more. i wanted to feel alive. the next few days to follow, i booked a trip to greece and italy and quit my job.

don't get me wrong, i have definitely suffered my fair share of panic attacks the past few weeks. case in point, yesterday's blog. but today, i awoke with my more clarity. i know this isnt the end. i am given a second chance of doing something i want to do. i dont have to conform the next 40 years of my life at a desk job. this is the point in my life where i can try and find something i want to do.

this is taken from chris guillebeau's blog:

4 Important Questions to Ask Yourself:

1) Am I satisfied with my work? Does it meet my needs and fulfill my desires?

Your work should not exist merely to provide income for the rest of your life. Ask yourself, what am I working for? Am I working to make a living or to make a life? If your work supports your goals, that’s great. If it doesn’t, maybe it’s time to make a change.

2) Think back to the times you have left your home country. What did you learn on those trips? Do you think you have more to learn?

For me, the more I have traveled, the more I learn, and the more I realize how big the world really is. When I was younger and had spent a fair amount of time abroad, I used to say that I had traveled “all over the world.” More than 60 countries later, I laugh at that idea. There are still many, many countries I have yet to visit, and even after I achieve my goal of visiting every country in the world, there will still be many places within those countries that I still won’t have experienced.

3) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would that be? (Don’t think about reasons why you can’t go there.)

Brainstorm through the six inhabited continents – Africa, Australia, Asia, Europe, North and South America – and think about cities or countries on each of them that you’ve always wondered about. Chances are there’s somewhere, and probably several places, that you’ve always wanted to see.
Finally, while I believe that international travel is not nearly as expensive as the lifestyle many people wear themselves out to maintain, it’s true that it does cost money to travel around the world.
Therefore, you should also understand the answer to this question:

4) What are your financial priorities?

If you don’t know the answer offhand, it’s easy to get it.Just look back at your bank statements, financial software, or credit card statements for the last six months. Whether you like it or not, where you’ve been spending a lot of money is where your priorities are. If you’d like to value experiences more than “stuff,” you may need to make some changes.
***

wish me luck :)

don't do it. dont freak out. don't do it. don't do it. don't do it.

oh no, im doing it!!!!! AHHHHHHHH.

i had another job interview today which went smoothly, except for the part where they asked for salary requirements. it started off at 24,000. OH MY. thats not even right. how can anyone who lives in the dc metro area survive on 24,000?!? this just in, that might be me. maybe even less if i ended up working at my part-time job, full-time. oh god, what did i do?

feeling deflated once again, im starting to freak out. my thoughts are swimming in my head to the point where im drowning. i don't want to panic, i want to be positive, but im not sure if i can make it.

i need to have an outlet but i feel so terrible and like a broken record complaining to everyone around me. i made my own mess, and now have to deal with it.

i don't want to be scared and to look back with regret. i need to find my inner strength and know that everything is going to be ok.

in it to win it?

a little over a week ago, i quit my job. i have never felt so free.

i have sleepless nights. with the freedom, i am left with uncertainty. i know i had to quit. it wasnt healthy staying at a company and doing a job i hated. but now, all the feelings i had when i was graduating college are coming back, the fear of the unknown.

i have been applying to jobs like crazy and i feel so deflated. i had the interview from hell yesterday. i am trying to break into the healthcare field and what better way to do that than be front desk for a doctor's office? one problem, they want me to have healthcare experience.

this is where i get annoyed. how am i supposed to get experience if you wont hire me because i dont have any? when did a receptionist need healthcare experience to answer phones and book appointments? does my bachelor's degree not hold any rank? does that not show that i am competent and hold enough intellect to not only answer the phone but to use a computer? how am i not qualified?

i have 8 weeks to find another job. in 8 weeks i will have completed my two summer classes, taken the nursing entrance exam, gone to florida for the bridal/bachelorette weekend, and will be one week away from witnessing my sister get married.

8 weeks and my life will change.